When you start seeing your worth, it’s harder to stay around people who don’t.-Unknown
I Did It
I couldn’t believe it but I did it.
I did it with half and half tears, (half sadness half relief) forking from each corner of my eyes. Puddling on anything that would catch it.
My tense arms, bear-hugging a cardboard box overflowing with figurines and picture frames.
I stood before an empty desk — former home to the contents of my cardboard box and looked around.
The office was deceivingly peaceful in the evening hours.
I said a silent farewell to the people I had been through so much with. A heaviness in my heart without a proper goodbye.
But I knew, if not now — never.
If I saw their faces the next day, I would have bent over backward again.
If I saw their faces the next day, my spine would lose its courage brace.
It would go like this…
I’d convince myself that things weren’t that bad. I could give it another shot as I did 10,000 times before…
- I could afford to work through another lunch.
- Be reprimanded for someone else’s screw-up.
- Play damage control with another bill collector or pissed off customer just because it was my job to answer the phone.
- Stay after hours cleaning up someone else’s mess while they call it a day at 2 pm.
- Get sick or miscarry again.
- Get into another fight with my boyfriend because stress deteriorated my sanity.
- Be constantly reminded of the death of my innocent co-worker who lost his life in that building.
- Watch another clueless 5-figure-a-month GM get hired on only to see him destroy another part of the company
I could hang with that as I did so often before.
But that was the night I decided I couldn’t.
I turned off the lights. Walked out the door. And never looked back.
I took a leap and quit my job.
My Path to Personal Development
A year prior to quitting, I had fallen in love with an amazing man, nothing short of perfect for me. FINALLY.
But our relationship started veering down an all-too-familiar path. One of self-sabotage. My self-destructive behavior in relationships typically stemmed from being so out-of-touch with myself.
I didn’t know what the hell I truly valued in a man. I was taking shots in the dark. Aimlessly and irresponsibly committing to men I shouldn’t have.
But Andrew. He’s a real Mandrew. He fit the shoe.
I had the man but not the mindset. But I sure as hell wasn’t letting myself get the best of me and risk the loss. I had to work to break my old patterns.
I invested some time into digging deep. I listened to podcasts. Read books and blogs. Journaled. Absorbed. Observed. The more I knew, the more I grew.
Then, clarity. A comfort I’d never felt.
After the acceptance of brutal truths, I realized I settled. A lot. It went beyond relationships.
As I reflected, I noticed I constantly sold myself short. Accepting whatever would accept me.
Even more obvious with my long-term dead-end jobs. I had worked for some of the worst employers imaginable who would have never valued me the way I deserved. I knew that. And I never did much to change it.
It was clear that I had no love or respect for myself.
When you unearth something like that, it can’t be ignored. It was time for me to grow up and take control of my happiness.
My personal development journey helped me cultivate a self-love that’s made me appreciate my value. That’s when you start keeping the promise to yourself to own your happiness.
And I did what it took to keep that promise. Even though it meant quitting my job.
Get Inside Happy
Why do we hesitate to believe in ourselves enough to jump? To trust in our abilities and in the universe?
Why are we programmed to settle for jobs or relationships that dull our radiance? That deplete and defeat our dreams?
Ask yourself how much of your life is suffering because you’re unfulfilled, unhappy, or feel unworthy? Those emotions can only be disguised for so long, no matter how good you think you are.
Even when you bottle them up, where do you think they go? Negative energy doesn’t just dissolve. It’ll find ways to remind you it’s still around.
Your body is desperate to get your attention. So listen to it.
Get to the core of what’s causing your unhappiness. Follow through with the promises you make to yourself.
And when you don’t — love yourself — and the people around you — enough to find out why.
See your worth enough to become intolerant of whatever doesn’t see the worth in you.
What is the most courageous decision you’ve ever made to make yourself happy? Answer in the comment section below. I’d love to hear your story!